How my crushes helped me realize I am Sapiosexual…

I have always had this feeling that I am more attracted by the intelligence of a person and not by his looks. For years I tried digging for the word that represents this phenomenon and at last, I have it, I am a Sapiosexual.

“Sapiosexual: One who finds the content of someone else’s mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics.”
– Urban Dictionary

How my crushes helped me realize I am Sapiosexual....

I have no clue when this happened but let’s just rewind a bit.

In the mid-20s…

In college

In school

Standard fourth….wait, what? Standard fourth?

Yes! That’s when it all began.

I don’t know if I even knew the meaning of the word “hormones” back then and I don’t know if “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” is to be blamed for this but my first crush was the most intelligent boy of my class! Intelligent and handsome. I had this huge crush on him forever. I knew he liked someone else but let’s not get into it.

I still remember how his hand would shoot up to answer every question. How he was “the chosen one” in every activity imaginable. Here I was struggling with balancing extra-curricular activities with studies and he was most joyously juggling school, sports, dance, drama and whatever he could possibly do. I mean, it was just so attractive! He still is attractive and no, he isn’t a nerd with specs. Believe me, he is intelligent with looks (and now, a married chap *bless him* 😂)

Let’s call my first crush Mr. S.

So Mr. S was intelligent with looks and hence I could never understand if it were looks or his brains I was really attracted to. Of course my mind wasn’t at all fully functional back then because I was a die-hard cinephile (still am) and I seem to have taken a cue from Anjali and Rahul to guide me in my quest to find the love of my life 😅 I am wired differently, you know 😂 But as luck would have it my life went through a BIG switch!

I came to the city and so had to switch to school. Mr. S soon became a fond memory but I would often find myself enquiring about him with my best friend from the old school. But life was to teach me what “hormones kicking in” really meant.

Standard 6th arrives my second crush.

And no points for guessing. He was much like Mr. S. Let’s call him a Mr. D. This one was good at sports, dance, drama and he was witty. ( Fourth standard mein kaha wits ka pata chalta.) So now I became acquainted and attracted to someone who could answer the questions with ease and even make the teachers ROFL with his witty remarks!

I don’t know what really happened but this crush didn’t live long….as in Zinda hai bhai wo….but my crush phase didn’t last long. So Mr. D was out of the frame.

I was enjoying what puberty was doing to the guys in my class. Some had even grown horns and some had mustaches as thick as Ravana’s. It is really funny what the boys go through. You will notice if you look attentively at them. And whilst I was paying heed to the disasters of puberty…

Dhaak dhaak karne laga…..


Standard 8th.


“Happy birthday, Pooja,” I shouted as soon as I spotted my friend on the other side of the school ground. It was early morning. 6:45 or so. Winters were here and the fog was clouding my vision. Yet I could see Pooja taking her usual morning walk on the school ground. What I didn’t see clearly was a boy who was laughing at me. What I mean is I did see that boy and I did see him laughing but I didn’t really notice who was he. Because I was to notice him only during Head boy elections the following day.

Mr. P was my senior. He wasn’t really what is proverbially handsome but he was really something! This time it wasn’t looks. It was purely the brains that attracted me.

Yes, my past crushes did have a little of both – intelligence and looks. But Mr. P wasn’t what you’d call handsome and yet his smile with crooked teeth and a dimple puts a smile to my face even now! Yeah, I am friends with him. And yeah, he knows I was crushing over him in school days 🙈

So, here is the thing. He came down to my class to give his election speech and promised all goody good things. I was like “han…okay, chal I will vote for him…” But soon Mr. P was the sole topic of discussion in every corridor of the school. From teachers to students, everyone was praising the new Head boy. And then I noticed.

An active participant in all the sports activities. A sport when it came to acting, doesn’t matter if it were only one dialogue, (I can never forget that dialogue ❣️) A responsible brother, he would pick up his younger brother and would ride home on a cycle. And a much hardworking student. His grades were never affected by his other interests. I can say this because I was officially enrolled in athletics training but could never complete the same because I was more enthusiastic about studies. (Somewhat 😂)

And so the luka – chupi began or that’s what I thought. Actually, I presumed that Mr. P does notice me when I am around but that bubble was burst when I started chatting with him five years ago. He clearly didn’t remember a dreamy-eyed girl. Thank goodness I never had the guts to spell out my feelings for anyone.

Now to my college days…

Yes, it happened again and this Mr. V was in fact really intelligent. More than my previous crushes. And it was a crush at first answer on the first day of my junior college. I still remember it was the “Politics” lecture. Dude, that guy has come a long way from answering correctly in Politics class to now, being married to a politician. Take a bow, Mr. V.

And so, was my list of crushes.

But how did the litmus test come through? Well, I simply tried seeing a not-so-intelligent guy… The bad guy every girl likes to date at some point in her life. You know, bike and booze types? 👻

And soon I met my husband…Well, let me introduce you to him. Check: I married a SANYASI

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